Archivo de la categoría: Monsters of the movies

What the Devil?

Movies are completely saturated of evil characters. Practically all of them are created to be scary, but they use to be ridiculous. Some of them are even worse. In Spain we can see now the movie The Lords of Salem, with one of the most unbelievable devils of all times. He has the dubious honor to be the first in our short list.

Lords of Salem
Achondroplasic devil (The Lords of Salem): An actor must wear a polyester disguise that doesn’t fit him and that it’s a crazy mix between ET and a melting candle. Apart from that he has tentacles, as the aliens in Species, and with them he is able to catch the human prey to fertilize her. (Or something like that, because it’s not clear for me neither for Rob Zombie, the director).

Glittering vampire (Twilight and all the sequels): Apart from being a pretentious affected ugly vampire, Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) is also a dazzling being. But literally. Why must he be like a lamp apart from being so disgusting? Note for the director Catherine Hardwicke: vampires are bastards, not smug fools; they love blood and not silly girls; and they don’t have nice families who live in beatufil houses, they prefer rusty coffins.
Alien glottis (Alien 2: On Earth): Between Alien and Aliens, the italians decided to fill the gap with this movie about an alien who gets into the body of anyone in the planet to burst them from inside. Why? We don’t know. We never see the monster, just at the end of the movie we can watch a close-up from his glottis and he has no teeth or anything similar to get into people, it’s just pulsating flesh and blood.

Cookie Killer (The Gingerdead Man): Copying Child’s Play‘s model, in this movie the spirit of a killer jumps into a gingerbread cookie. From that moment it decides to kill everyone who moves in revenge for being a crunchy monster. How can something so terribly awful take a knife and stab a person? Don’t ask, just watch and hallucinate. And if it is not enough, you got two sequels! The last one filmed in 2011.

Sound of HorrorInvisible dinosaur (Sound of Horror): Roger Corman created the chicken dinosaur in Carnosaur but many years before that, a Spanish director (José Antonio Nieves Conde) was the father of an invisible dinosaur. In the movie we can only see the footprints and, at the end, when the heroes burn it, a cardboard silhoulette that screams a lot.

What’s the danger of all these monsters? Breaking your jaw with the laughs.