Archivo de la categoría: American movie

What kind of fanatics worship this God?

Exodus: Gods and KingsAs we learnt in Noah, God is terribly cruel and merciless. In that movie he committed genocide without a remorse and nowadays, on screens we got a new example of this callous behaviour: Exodus. Gods and Kings.

In this case, God wants the Egyptians to free the Hebrews. What would you do to free them if you are an allmighty being?

a) Simply to order it.

b) Put every single Egyptian into a deep dream and let the Hebrews flee freely.

c) Create the human beings to be good people and to get a friendly solution, without a dispute.

d) Send 10 different and horrible plagues that kill practically every animal in Egypt, and of course every little baby, causing a brutal suffering to each family in the country.

If you are a cruel god, you know that the right answer is “d”.

Rhamses (and I guess practically every viewer of the movie) doesn’t understand a god so terrible, so he asks Moses: “What kind of fanatics worship this God?”.

Well, in this movie that awful God is a creepy boy that is a perfect mixture between Caillou and a midget. I’m sure that Ridley Scott saw the achondroplasic devil of Lords of Salem and said: “Hey, if they got a tiny devil we fight back with our own tiny god”.

If you want to see Exodus you must know it’s “only” 150 minutes of already known information and a lot of yawnings, and although they have hundreds of extras even the battles are boring.

Someone should have also said to Scott that the nose of the Sphynx was destroyed in times of Napoleon, many many years after this myth. And to make the story a bit more real, that the pyramids were never built by slaves, Hebrews or whoever. I know that slaves whipped dragging huge blocks it’s quite cinematographic but it’s not real, although many people believe it.

You are now warned but you are free to enter at your own risk.


Are you upset by Noah? Don’t be

Noé

Darren Aronofsky has directed a very funny movie about Noah, the building of his ark and the great flood. You can have fun with the movie or not, but you shouldn’t be upset.
Why not? Here you have some reasons.
1. The movie is a fiction and you don’t have to be upset by fictions. If you are a scientific you know that no one can fly, so you don’t complain because Superman flies, because it’s a fiction. By definition, every movie is a fiction, so don’t be upset.

2.  The great flood never happened. It is a nice myth that, as far as we know, was invented in Mesopotamia in the Epic of Gilgamesh, more than 4.500 years ago. It looks like some cities of that area were flooded on that time and that was the origin of the myth that many other cultures have copied. If the great flood is a fiction you don’t have to be upset.
3. If the great flood is a very old myth, Noah must also be a myth, so Aronofsky can do what he wants with the character. In fact he has created Noah in his own image: a vegan with an amazing respect for the rest of animals of the world and also a little bit drunken psychopath. I guess Aronofsky doesn’t share those two last features, but at least he is a vegan.
4. So, if the great flood and Noah are myths (legends, lies, the name doesn’t matter) every book (religious or not) that includes that story and that character is a fictitious book. That’s the reason why Aronofsky can invent a very funny story full of Watchers, fallen rocky angels who protect Noah of the human hordes who wants to get into the ark when the flood begins. If you don’t like that interpretation of your book, I’m sorry for you, but I didn’t like the version that the Coen brothers  filmed of No country for old men and I don’t want to start a religious war against the directors.


What kind of scientists travel in the Prometheus?

Aboard the Prometheus, the last spaceship (and movie) created by Ridley Scott, travel 17 passengers: the typical scary robot, a decrepit billionaire, the sexy boss, some soldiers and technicians and a bunch of scientists. What kind of scientists should go in a trip to the deeper space? I guess, the best ones, but after watching the movie we can only admit they are the worst ones.

Why is that? There are five main reasons.

First: The group decide to travel after finding some peculiar cave paintings made 35.000 years ago (younger than Altamira’s). In those paintings we see a constellation that can only be observed with modern optical instrumentation. In some of the paintings there are also giant men pointing to that constellation. What should any scientist with a bit of knowledge think about those cave paintings? That the constellation is just a coincidence, that men were usually painted bigger than the animals in those times, or maybe (if you got much imagination) that some visitors from outer space came to the Earth 35.000 years ago and taught us how to paint that constellation. What do the scientists of the Prometheus believe? That those visitors were our creators. Why? Only Ridley Scott and the writers of the script, John Spaihts and Damon Lindelof, know the reason.

Second: Once in the destination, the geologist of the group pay not attention at all to the peculiar stratigraphy of the planet.

Third: Even worse, the biologist doesn’t care a bit about a giant humanoid.

(By the way, both of them, the geologist and the biologist, are to be punished for their lack of curiosity.)

Fourth: When they get the DNA from a giant humanoid and compared it with the human DNA the scientists found it’s the same DNA. What’s their conclusion? That they are our creators. Anybody knows that if you find two beings with the same DNA, even if they are phisically diferent (think about a chihuahua and a mastiff, or an australian aborigen and someone from Norway), that simply means they are the same species. They could be very, very far relatives, or brothers, or even one of them could be the father and the other the son, but why the creators? It has no sense at all.

Fifth: The biologist thinks that the discovery of our “creators” has destroyed the darwinism and the idea of evolution, but that is completely simplistic, because those “creators” are only the ancestors of homo sapiens (with whom share the DNA). What happens with the other thousand of millions of beings that inhabit our planet Earth? For them, the evolution is still a fact.

So, who hired these ignorants to be in the Prometheus? I recomend to Ridley Scott that next time go to the MIT or the NASA or even to a high school to find personal for his spaceships. Any random candidate (even if you pick him up in the street) should be cleverer. Or maybe Scott should go to the Writers Guild of America to find better writers for the sequel of this prequel.


The importance of being Wes Anderson

Having a good script is not a garanty to have a success. In fact, it always depends on the director’s skills. Moonrise Kingdom is a great example of my prior sentence. With a simple story (a boy and a girl run away from home to live happily together) Wes Anderson creates a great movie, but what would have happened with another director? I can imagine the story signed for another film-makers.

Pedro Almodovar: A boy and a girl run away from home. The girl is really a boy, and the boy is really a dog. Both of them have changed into something else, after a surgery sponsored by a revenger who was the owner of the dog and the father of the boy. At the end, everybody dies and an old woman makes an easy joke.

Kenneth Branagh: A boy (Kenneth Branagh) and a girl (also Kenneth Branagh) run away from home. They arrive to a lake and look vaguely into the water. Using the surface of the lake as a mirror (so we have 4 Branaghs on the screen) they recite the complete works of William Shakespeare.

James Cameron: A boy and a girl run away from home. They really have a mission: to save humanity from an apocalyptic future. Practically the whole movie revolves around the girl, that is the heroine of the story and fights against all kinds of robots, but at the end the boy dies and everybody remembers him as the hero.

Roland Emmerich: A boy and girl run away from home just a second before it a spacecraft crash into the house. They arrive to Washington DC and the aliens attack and destroy the Capitol and the White House. The president saves the world, using something irrelevant and a bit stupid, picks up the couple of children and takes them back to their parents.

David Lynch: A boy thinks he is running away from home. A girl knows nothing and disappears. A policeman laughs. The girl dies. The boy dies. They get married. They die and are happy. A policeman laughs. A boy thinks he is running away from home (or not).


Avengers shatters economic records, but is it also the best Marvel movie?

The Walt Disney Studios announced that “Marvel’s The Avengers” posted an estimated $200.3 million in its domestic debut May 4-6, shattering previous records and positioning the film as the highest-grossing domestic debut of all time. The film’s cumulative global box office gross is an estimated $641.8 million over 12 days in release.” The figures are completely impressive, but what about the quality of the movie.

Anyone can have an opinion, but there are two great sources with millions of followers and voters: IMDB and Rotten Tomatoes.

According to IMDB, The Avengers is a 8.8/10, followed by X-Men Firt Class (7,9/10) and Iron Man (7.9/10).

Rotten Tomatoes gives a 94% of support to Iron Man, a 93% to The Avengers and also to Spider-Man 2, and an 89% to Spider-Man.

I am closer to the IMDB fans.


Titanic 3D. London premiere

Just like a new movie even with the red carpet, a huge bunch of journalists, fans and the incredible Kate Winslet. James Cameron is the king of the world. No doubt. (El estreno de Titanic 3D como si fuera nueva, con alfombra roja, un grupo enorme de periodistas, fans, y la increíble Kate Winslet. James Cameron es un maestro. No hay duda).

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Who are you to fight for in a war between humans and apes?

The movie Rise of the planet of the apes show how our civilization collapses. The disaster has two reasons: human ambition and the rise of smarter apes as a new specie. Between those two species is supposed to begin a war, specially since the monkeys killed some humans in San Francisco. The question is who are you to fight for? Ambitious humans or intelligent apes? If you are a clever human being I guess you should enlist Caesar‘s armies (being Caesar the chimpanzee leader of the revolution, aka Andy Serkis) but I can imagine that enlistment is not to be open to humans, so you have to fight with other people or just become the member of the fifth column, fighting for the apes from clandestinity. Now, I’m giving ideas to Hollywood writers. What about another planet of the apes movie with an army of linnets fighting to get the supremacy of monkeys. The narrator of that story could be a surprised ape who doesn’t understand that small and destructive bunch of humans. Meanwhile, I guess we have to settle with Rupert Wyatt‘s film and enjoy it, because is really really funny and FX are absolutely amazing and (as it is said in comics) scintillating.